2012: Documentaries

I have seen more documentaries in 2012 than I have all my life. The thing about docs is that they have a 100 percent record of working on me. I have never not liked a documentary. I had problems with 'Winnebago Man', but it is still a film worth watching. The subject matter is usually so compelling that I don't bother about the film-making chops involved. Oh wait. I couldn't sit through Herzog's Cave of Forgotten Dreams. But still.

I decided to watch all the documentaries which made the Academy longlist and then a few more important ones which weren't shown any love. I will try to write a bit about each film; for now I'll simply list them all in the order of liking.

WATCHED:

1. Searching for Sugar Man
2. West of Memphis
3. This is Not a Film
4. The Imposter
5. Queen of Versailles
6. The Invisible War
7. 5 Broken Cameras
8. Supermen of Malegaon
9. Side by Side
10. Bad 25
11. Bully
12. Shut Up and Play the Hits

TO WATCH:

1. Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God
2. Detropia
3. Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry
4. Marley
5. Room 237
6. The Gatekeepers
7. Stories We Tell
8. How to Survive a Plague
9. The Waiting Room
10. Chasing Ice
11. Ethel
12. The House I Live In
13. Jiro Dreams of Sushi
14. Samsara
15. Love, Marilyn
16. Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present
17. Brooklyn Castle

SUGGESTED BY @auteurmark

1. Conteurs D'Images
2. The Island President
3. Indie Game: The Movie
4. The Swell Season
5. Girl Model
6. Craiglist Joe

Amour (2012)

Amour didn't move me as I expected it to. It was oddly involving on a cerebral level, but left the heart untouched. Its abstractness often compelled me to interpret the happenings in various ways. A film which is spot on in its observations, it filled me with emptiness.

Amour is probably one of the better romantic tragedies of our times. There's something very romantic about wanting to grow old with someone, but there's nothing romantic about it, really. The harsh, gray reality is filled with a painstaking wait for the inevitable. Thinking about it now, it reminds you how even the love stories with happy endings have a bleaker footnote lying just outside focus. 

These two have spent half a century together. It appears as if their relationship has reached a place where they know the other person just as well as they know their own self. Georges doesn't take a beat to confess he too would probably die out of fright if burglars broke into their apartment in the middle of the night. But then on another instance, Anne asks Georges if he isn't worried about spoiling his image in her eyes at this age. You see that they still have stories to tell each other; they still have so much to talk about. 

The cruelest part of being in love is falling out of love. Soon after Anne is incapacitated, the focus shifts to her; almost as if Georges has suddenly become a supporting character in the life story of Anne. Nobody asks him how he's doing anymore. And here's where Riva slowly begins to steal Trintignant's thunder. It's the performances that make this film as good as it is. 

Some people complain about the smell of old people. Well, do you think old people like the smell of old people? Human dignity and pride takes a hit. It is hard to come to the realization that they are slowly growing incapable of doing the most basic things. It's like life truly has come a full circle and they are ending up where they started. 

We love our babies unconditionally. There are these stray moments when we lose a grip on ourselves or are pushed just a little too far. I once deliberately hurt my baby nephew and that's one of the worst things I have ever done. I thought about it on the bus today and I think about it a lot of times. I cannot take back what I did.

I haven't seen many old couples up close. Coming to the next closest real-life example I can try and relate the film's observations about with, I have to choose my parents. I think Hope Springs is a more timely movie to compare their life to, but their relationship is in a far better place. They are totally in love and anyone can tell. I have this cynical belief that most arranged marriages are full of compromises. But even after being together for 28 years, my Mom still cries when we go to send off Dad at the airport. He gets choked when Mom returns back to Chennai. I think this distance is what keeping it so vibrant. I look at them and I just want them to be together. I secretly hope that when the time is right, they will pass away together. I can take it but I do not want either of them to grieve the passing of the other. I should stop rambling already. 

Isabelle Huppert. As she talks about her dwindling financial situation, is she basically asking her parents to do what old people do and die the fuck already? The final scene with her inheriting (!) the house, a house with so much character and history, is very unsettling. 

Amour is brutally real in its storytelling and often kept me appreciating all the little things. Yet in the end, I wasn't washed over by a sense of loss. Like the story young Georges tells his childhood friend, one day, just the thought of Amour will rip my heart out. But today is not that day.

Samar (2013)

Sakthi (Vishal) is a forest ranger's son who appears to love the wilderness more than he loves his girlfriend Roopa (Sunaina). When he is unable to tell her hip size correctly, she breaks up with him and goes off to live in Bangkok along with her family. After a couple of months of nursing his broken heart, he gets a letter from Roopa. She suddenly wants him back in her life and sends along a plane ticket. He meets one Maya (Trisha) on his plane and they quickly become friends. Soon after landing, things take an unexpected turn when Sakthi is mistaken for someone else. A tale of suspense follows. 

I'm pissed that so many Indian writers steal plots from foreign films and make such shoddy remakes from it. When the only good thing about their film is a plot idea that is not even their own to begin with, what are we supposed to appreciate? Samar's central plot is certainly good. It could have been a very good movie in able hands, but what I saw today was far from it. 

In India, we tend to give too much importance to the twist. It's all about the damn twist. I am not ashamed to have not outguessed a twist in a poorly made film like Samar. With some films which offer the audience no space for participation, it becomes impossible to tell. We cannot help it if the director suddenly pulls a rabbit out of his rear end. It can be said that a good movie is lurking somewhere deep inside Samar. It is surrounded by layers of unnecessary bits. Revenge makes sense, but what's with this defeating-them-at-their-own-game thing? 

Manoj Bajpai and J.D.Chakravarthy are the films antagonists. They come across as maddeningly irritating buffoons with a very limited vocabulary, mostly consisting of words 'game', 'god' and 'partner'. Their crazy actions instantly make them someone you wouldn't want to mess with, but it becomes hard to take them seriously every time they open their mouth to say something. Like a fellow reviewer noted, they are a comedy-piece like Narain in Mugamoodi. 

In the realm of unintentional hilarity, Samar offers dollops of fun. In one scene where JD and Bajpai find themselves marooned in the middle of nowhere, Trisha appears out of thin air. As JD runs towards her with the intention of killing her, he is hit by an unknown force. Turns out Vishal was hiding behind Trisha the whole time. Dei! In another scene, Trisha manages to chip in that age old "Eating Pongal on Diwali" blade joke which somehow surfaces during this time of the year.  Also, every shot of Sriman walking around in a suit will warrant laughter. In a house where Trisha stays with Vishal, there are hidden cameras everywhere, including the bathroom. It will remind you of a certain video Trisha is known for and makes you wonder if it is some sort of a karmic joke.

On my way home, I wondered what the film's title Samar meant. Immediately it struck me that it is formed by simply using the first syllable from the names of the three main characters: Sa from Sakthi, Ma from Maya and R for Roopa. Sounds lame, right? I know. But if there's a better explanation about the title's meaning, I am all ears. 

You never feel the protagonist's helplessness and only wait for things to wrap up. It is not as intelligent as it pretends to be. It spends too long explaining things which are only too obvious to anyone with half a brain. The music is downright awful and the performances are very mediocre. Samar is a one trick pony and a wasted opportunity. Samar is sumaar. 

Kanna Laddu Thinna Aasaiya (2013)

There are films which simply manage to keep the tone light enough and walk away with the Comedy tag. But very rarely do we see a laugh out loud film which works invariably on all kinds of audience. Let me say it out loud: Kanna Laddu Thinna Aasaiya is a howlarious laugh riot. 

The structure is reminiscent of many older films like Devadaiyai Kanden, Boys or Bhagyaraj's Indru Poi Nalai Vaa, which has even been credited. But it fills them with immensely funny, original sequences which open up as a neat plot. It has a dull beginning but quickly gets so much better. I didn't even mind the predictability, given how plain funny the movie was. When pathetic plot-less films like Oru Kal Oru Kannadi can become such huge hits, KLTA should easily manage to do better. 

The film works better with a new actor playing the pretty boy. A star like Arya or Jiiva portraying the character of Shiva would have stolen all the attention and made KK and Power mere sidekicks, which they are not. Even Power's colorful family is a value addition to the story. And this is why casting is one of film's many strong points. It uses a wide range of comedic actors in roles tailor-made for them. 

On the girl's side of family, we have VTV Ganesh as a classical music singer with a history to explain his hoarse voice, Kovai Sarala as her aunt and Devadarshini as their Brahmin neighbor with a penchant for gossip. In the role of her Father, an impeccably cast Shiva Shankar who, of course, plays a dance master. The girl herself, played by Vishaka, won me over. She looks pretty sexy and acts well enough. Dull Divya has certainly become Dhool Divya. 

It is really heartening to see how Santhanam has grown in the industry. Starting with a television show which is now regarded as a cult classic, his journey on the big screen has been very steady. Even big star vehicles are depending on him to bring in the crowd. I am not sure how much of a creative control Santhanam had over this project and I also don't want to take any credit away from the film's writer, but I saw his touches even in the lines delivered by other characters. There's a lot of self-parody that works very well. 

There's this brilliant scene where Power Star goes to learn dance from his master. It is his first day but he is surrounded by fans cheering him on as he makes his every move. And that's exactly what's happening in reality. We haven't seen Power Star in a proper movie before and we know him only from his public appearances. There's this undeniable Comedy-Piece quality to him that's got him so many fans. This is more or less his debut of sorts. Yet the crowd at my screening erupted the first time he showed up and subsequently on his every appearance. I was surprised, shocked even, to see such symbolism in a Tamil comedy.

Without objectifying women or resorting to any pedestrian antics, KLTA offers a surprisingly clean entertainer; one to be enjoyed with family and friends. I don't usually bother about this, but Alex Pandian left a bad taste in my mouth. The music is fun and there are very few songs. It looked noticeably well shot and producer Santhanam has left no stone unturned. Go watch it! 

The Impossible (2012)

The Impossible is a fictionalized account of a family trapped in a foreign land midst one of the deadliest natural disasters in history. The Bennetts appear to be a largely functional family who are flying out to spend the last week of 2004 in Thailand. The film opens with a very ominous tone, constantly suggesting an impending catastrophe. Be it the turbulence on the flight or the prominent presence of a Joseph Conrad novel or the Jaws-style angle, looking on at the idyllic resort from a buoy sitting deep in the sea, the signs are everywhere. It gives all the vibes of a disaster movie and even delivers on that count with the spectacularly staged Tsunami sequence. Only, what follows is a knock-out emotional punch, while rarely overstepping and entering the schmaltzy terrain. 

Post Tsunami, the film concentrates on the survival of Naomi Watts' Maria and her son Lucas (Tom Holland), completely leaving the fate of the rest of the family hanging in balance. Continuing the grim mood it began with, the film made my insides queasy with some horrific visuals. It never ignored a chance to make us flinch by dwelling on Maria's wounds. When we finally do get to see Henry, the reveal, which clearly appears to have been constructed to elicit a surprise, fails to leave the desired effect, as we consume it just as any other piece of information. Soon after his arrival, the film slipped into a family drama territory.

It's a film with a big, beating heart. It tugs at your heartstrings at every given opportunity and often succeeds. Unlike Hotel Rwanda, which had me bawling on the floor as the chorus part of Million Voices started playing, I was relatively restrained here. I still found myself wiping a tear or two at no less than 5 occasions; that's a remarkable feat. 

The Impossible carefully chooses to offer a small sense of victory in the face of a mammoth loss. Like Schindler's List, there's nothing much to celebrate when you look at the bigger picture. There's a bit of manipulation in this regard, and I didn't find myself caring for most of the other people out in search for their families. But one particular scene worked brilliantly, coming at a point when the movie had basically come to screeching halt, as young Lucas went around asking names of missing family members to the survivors. It's moments like these that makes movies reaffirm your faith in humanity. 

If this film was not based on true incidents, I surely would have scoffed at the ludicrous coincidences in the story. But since the film so visibly wears its defense around its neck with a title such as that, I will rest my case right here. 

The entire Tsunami sequence was done really well. I had little idea how very fatal the debris could turn in the circumstance. Recreating the scenes we all witnessed on our television, the visual effects worked incredibly. In the end, as if attempting to provide the audience with enough bang for their buck, the film re-uses its money shot, this time to little effect. 

Though the film only attempts to focus on this one family's true story of survival, it essentially ignores the fate of the countless natives. Even when it turns its attention to others, the others are always white people. There's something about this bias that's very, very disturbing. 

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Beginning with a stunning prologue establishing the central conflict, much like Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit promises too much but delivers less.

Frodo was an inquisitive young man who grew up listening to his uncle's adventure stories. All it took was a little prod to get him going on his journey. Bilbo, though, has grown overly fond of his Mother's china and the comfort of his home. The arrival of Gandalf was probably the best thing that ever happened to him. I understand his need to take some time to make up his mind but eating up close to an 45 minutes of runtime is a little too much. 

One of the biggest problems with the movie is its lack of enough new, memorable characters. The film received loudest cheers when Serkis' Gollum appeared. The weight of taking the story forward fell on Martin Freeman's Bilbo, who did whatever he could to give us someone to champion. Since he got no help from his dwarf friends, the effects were not entirely satisfactory. I had read how the dwarves lacked personality and that is very true. The ones I remember right now are Thorin, Kili, the one who wore a Russian fur cap and the sagely old dwarf. The others are largely forgettable.   There are some six who I don't remember seeing even after looking at their character posters. And what's the deal with Radagast the Grey? I seriously don't know what happened there. His entire part contributed to further bloat the movie.

There's this scene in a cave between Bilbo and Gollum where he comes to possess the Ring dropped by the latter. Ultimately, after a fantastically staged riddle session, Bilbo is faced with the dilemma of whether to spare Gollum's life or not. In that instant, I couldn't help but look at the bigger picture. About how that particular scene goes on to play such a critical role in history of middle earth, forever altering the course of lives of so many. In a surprisingly touching moment, with a close up on Gollum's faces, Bilbo's decision to spare him echoed Gandalf words: "Courage is not about knowing when to take a life... but when to spare one!” I don't think I will ever find myself even remotely in a position where I'd need that bit of wisdom, but its these lines about compassion, friendship and other qualities that made those three films so damn special. 

I was very late to catching up with the Lord of the Rings movies, but even when I did, I had not seen anything like it. I still haven't seen anything like it. Structure-wise, The Hobbit appears to be similar to them. It's hard to look at this movie and not compare it with those earlier ones. It has its share of big action set pieces in the final act but still gives the impression that it is working on a much smaller scale. Like it is playing out to those little kids in the Shire Bilbo tells his stories to, and easily scares with a sudden "puff!". We have already witnessed battles of indescribable magnitude. This feels like a severely watered-down version of middle earth. But after lifting the weight of its unarguably superior sequels off its chest, The Hobbit is an adequately entertaining adventure film.

On the whole, The Hobbit is definitely a bloated entry which could have benefited from Del Toro's vision. It doesn't move any mountains (pun honestly unintended), but injects tiny doses of nostalgia at regular intervals. I am hardly dying to see the next two entries, and to be honest, I wasn't very high on watching this film even before the not-so-impressed reviews started appearing. The Hobbit is a very good Narnia movie. I had fun. 

Sattam Oru Iruttarai (2012)

Since I started reviewing Tamil films, I have learnt to adjust my expectations. If it is a film by a top director, I would except a gimmicky mess, with stuff like 'echolocation' and 'conjoined twins'; if it is a low-budget film like Sembattai or Ariyaan, I would expect to be tortured. In the last 3 to 4 months, I have almost never had high hopes out of any movie, with the exception of Pizza- a movie which actually managed to deliver. But I hoped good things from someone like Sneha Britto- someone who is younger than I am. I expected her to have a taste in cinema after growing up with exposure to foreign films. I had severely miscalculated. 

While reviewing Tamil films, I tend to be careful when dealing with negative superlatives, but Sattam Oru Iruttarai is, without a shred of doubt, one of the worst films I have ever seen. Unlike other worst movies I have had the misfortune of watching, this one didn't make me furious. It did not drive me crazy. The thing is the film is unbelievably hilarious for all the unintentional reasons. In a perfect world, this movie will be revered by fanboys for its Ed Wood-ishness. 

Throughout the movie, which almost never had anything interesting to say, I kept noticing how the audience at my screening were reacting. I looked at this kid who was brought to watch the film because his teacher appeared in one scene. I was almost desperate to know if they realized that they were watching an extremely shoddy film or were totally oblivious to the fact. Thankfully, the crowd reaffirmed my faith in them by laughing out loud at all the lame scenes. Right now, I'm not even in a mood to bash this film. I confess I had a rather fun time, thanks to the awesome strangers I sat next to.

I don't want to point out faults with the placement of songs or bad acting or poorly written lines or the excessiveness of coincidence or logical inconsistencies. Many films get those wrong. Sattam is different. It is special. The extent to which things go wrong in this movie is indescribable. I am not going to be easy on Britto because she's younger than me or because this is only her first film. There are directors who in spite of making a bad debut show a hint of promise. But Britto's film clearly suggests she is bereft of even that quality. Tamil cinema doesn't need her. We have enough incompetence, thank you. 

I still keep wondering if it was intentionally bad. I mean, how can someone make such a bad movie with a straight face? It's a remake for chrissake. All she had to do was to not eff up. With a story which was pretty dated even in the early 80s, Sattam is a dinosaur in today's age.

Smaller filmmakers are not often blessed with good looking actors. Be it Reema Sen, who plays an unbelievably stupid Commissioner of Police, or Pia Bajpai who keeps saying, "What do you think of your self?", over 5-6 times.. I'm sure all the actors in this film are capable of doing a better work under a better director. I cannot but blame Britto for every thing that went wrong with the film. Yes, we all know how stingy producer SAC can be, but that's hardly an excuse. There's a song sequence where the lead pair dance in front of Chroma key-ed photographs of a few random places in Hong Kong, downloaded from Google Images.

As I walked out of the screening, I learnt that the lead actor and the director of the film were present during the final minutes of our screening. The guy, who looks like Ravi Krishna with bad hair, seemed very pleased with the audiences' response, which could be accurately summed up using the smiley :-| Playing out like a tawdry three hour long advertisement for Skullcandy headphones, Sattam Oru Iruttarai is an embarrassment to the universe. 

Neethane En Ponvasantham (2012)

There are certain things we have come to associate with Gautam Menon's brand of cinema. Starting with Vaaranam Aayiram, I have been disappointed with each movie of his; I still ended up catching all his releases on the big screen. What is it about his films that makes them so appealing? For one, they are not crass. He tries too much and it doesn't always reflect properly, but I still like him for trying. Now, he has gone into an autopilot mode of sorts. His English speaking characters and their coffee shop love has started appearing trite. Walking in with zero expectations, I came out beaten black and blue.

Some people will tell you you will love this film if you have been in love; trust them at your own risk. Being able to relate to characters is one thing; being able to relate to characters in an atrociously boring movie is another. The film takes too much effort to balance out the blame on both the characters for being responsible in the failure of their relationship. It felt like watching a scoreboard going Nithya 1, Varun 2. Just for the sake of non-linearity, there are a couple of unnecessary "moments" from their high school life-- something which could have been done away with a single line. I understand the necessity of lame reasons which resulted in the break up of their younger selves, but growing up into mature adults and still being adamantly unreasonable is unforgivable.

I have horrific memories of sitting through Twilight, which painstakingly goes about describing Robert Pattinson's rosy lips and sparkly cheeks. NEP manages to go one step further to unbearable limits with its cutesy descriptions of its female lead, making it impossible to not OD on all the cheesiness. I gotta say this though, Samantha blushes really well. Jiiva, though, has this annoying fake accent trying to sound extra classy. Like my friend said, Royapuram cannot become R.A.Puram.

To make up for its utter lack of narrative coherence, the film, as an excuse, uses a title card calling itself 'Moments from Varun-Nithya’s love story'. Apart from being jarringly slow, the film loses whatever little sense of direction it had after the halfway mark. Stooping down to the level of attempting at humor using Santhanam and Nithya's plump friend's VTV-styled romance, the film made me care less and less about its lead characters.

If I wanted to know about the sorry love life of two people, I would rather call up a few of my friends and ask them how things were going. This is not even about escapist, happy-happy cinema. Love stories can definitely be brutally real and make you care for the characters. Take Blue Valentine, for instance. With long uncut shots, Menon tries to shake cinematic branches but only manages to achieve faux-realism. I love it when movies make me uncomfortable, but I hate it when they end up making me squeamish in the process.

While Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya at least had Rahman's great soundtrack to fall back on, NEP masquerades as a timeless Ilayaraja musical, while having songs which are mediocre even by his own unimpressive recent track record.

The film could have at least redeemed itself by doing something inventive in its closing minutes. But unfortunately, there's no payoff at any point of time for sitting through this almost pointless exercise in storytelling. Ultimately, Neethane En Ponvasantham is a crashing bore; it is full of silly arguments and no one gets laid. Now you know what Gautam Menon meant when he said, "This could be your love story."

EDIT:
In the scene where Varun returns home to see his brother dejected after being shamed by the family of the girl he likes, there's this realism which I wished existed throughout all of the movie's familial interactions. A son feeling awful for putting his Father in that place, a Mother who never spoke a word through all the embarrassment and only worried for her son and husband, and the Father having his own share of regrets... that's the only scene I took back from this movie. The funny thing is it has very little to do with the actual love story at hand. The mother saying,"Cha romba elakarama pesitanga theriyuma.." was the single best delivered line in the entire film.

Varun's brother hinting at ending his own life was a little too much, but I still feared something of that sort was in the offing. While the focus shifted to the Mother, and she asked Varun to go check on his Father, I expected him to be hanging from a noose. The scene was clearly directed to put that thought in our head. If that isn't convincing enough, the shot of Varun's brother's feet clearly confirmed things for me. I am not sure if I liked the way tension was manufactured, but I did worry a bit. Yeah, I think that scene was done pretty well. It makes Varun's change of heart all the more believable, instead of being an out-of-nowhere gnana oli moment. 

Life of Pi (2012)

Life of Pi is hardly the emotional tour de force it was made out to be. At the end of it, I was more puzzled by its bluntness in delivering the "message". The film's religious undertones, or in this case, not-so-under tones, had me wishing it were a little more subtle. There are too many in-your-face moments. No, the 3D is fine. I'm referring to conversations where subtlety is dispensed in favor of obviousness. For instance, there's this deeply thought provoking moment which had me thinking how differently we react to the deaths of an Orangutan and that of a fish, which got ruined with Pi saying,"Thank you Vishnu for coming to us in the form of this fish." 

In the house of faith, I live on the second floor in the room of doubt. I totally understand the necessity of having something to unconditionally believe in. Religion is a very good concept when looked upon as a way of life more than anything else. But it is imperative for followers to not be a sponge and absorb every last bit of nonsense. Talking about faith in a higher authority is never easy and trying to put the various faiths into a context and giving each its own share of space and reverence is some task. I am not able to make up my mind as to whether the film is philosophically ambitious or pretending to be one, hiding behind the skirt of dazzling pictures. 

More than anything, Life of Pi reminded me of Tim Burton's fantastic Big Fish. Pi is a fantasy film which asks you to believe. Not just believe it within the framework of a movie, but believe miracles can happen in the world we belong in. For me, the question is not whether I choose to believe. My problem is Pi bites more than it can chew. The things which happen over the course of 227 days may be hard to believe. But, if I say I do, what does it amount to? Does dressing a gritty cut-throat story in fantasy make it all the more believable? Is reality harder to digest? The concept of religion itself  wouldn't exist were it more rationalized? We need the fantasy. We want the enigma. We pretend we want to know the answers, but we are only too happy to live the puzzle. Maybe we can't handle the truth. Maybe I have no idea what I am talking about. 

I have always had trouble watching Indian actors in Hollywood films. They have this language handicap which I expect them to overcome in order to impress me. That happens very occasionally, and only in few select scenes when it does. Suraj Sharma, who plays Pi Patel, is uneven and there were moments where I wished Lee had dealt in silences. But full marks for his physical acting. I cannot imagine how tiring the whole task was. Irrfan Khan is good as the older Pi. I often saw shades of Irrfan in Suraj; or it could have been the other way round, I am not sure. The film's best performance, though, is given by a computer generated Tiger

A fellow reviewer had noted how it doesn't take one to believe in God to admire Life of Pi and how belief in Cinema would alone suffice.Well, the film sure is a towering achievement bringing to life a vision so unique. But the "message" may not be to everyone's liking. You can try to ignore it but it is present everywhere you look. The life lessons Pi gets as a kid from his Mother and Father, his subsequent loss of innocence come to play a role in his ordeal, but his journey of a lifetime felt too convenient. If I try to keep myself content with the tale of undying human spirit conquering all odds, I still have a better option in Cast Away to turn to. I never really felt compelled to root for Pi. Nothing soared anywhere inside me when his feet touched solid ground. Nothing really changed. A copy of Life of Pi will be a value addition to your bluray collection, giving your Avatar copy some much needed rest. That's all there is to it. 

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (2012)

Disclaimer: This reviewer confesses to have watched Twilight, and even read the book. He fast-forwarded through most parts of New Moon and never bothered to watch Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Part 1. That said, he is a great fan of the soundtracks. He has always maintained that he wouldn't watch the Twilight movies unless someone paid him to. That day has finally come. With very little knowledge about the plot of the previous three entries, he hopes you will appreciate this perspective. 

From my own experience and from the universal critical hatred, I have come to expect bad things from the Twilight movies.. very bad things. I have most successfully managed to avoid them till now. Breaking Dawn Part 2 brings to end a series that is as fiercely loved as it is hated. I walked in with very low expectations. I am happy the film didn't give me too many reasons to dislike it. 

The central conflict in Breaking Dawn is itself very thin. The Volturis, sort of a governing body for vampires, get the word that Cullens have a turned a little girl into a vampire. This, according to them, is an incredibly dangerous threat to the secrecy of their kind. Bella's new born is, in fact, a half-mortal, conceived when she was still a human. The little girl, with an awful portmanteau name Renesmee, grows six inches over a few weeks and her idiot, happily ignorant grandfather suspects nothing. You know what? Never mind with the plot. I don't fully understand it myself. Just bear in mind that the misinformed Volturis arrive at the doorstep of Cullens to set things right. 

There are many ways to end a love triangle, comprising two men and a woman. You can kill off a guy and hook up the remaining two. You can bring a new girl and make two pairs. Or you can hook two people up, let them have a baby and hitch her to the guy who remains solo. Yes, Breaking Dawn does exactly that! Trying to rationalize one of the most WTF plot lines in the history of WTF plot line, Jacob The Big Dog ultimately finds love in a hopeless place. He is said to have "imprinted" something on Bella and Edward's two day old baby, making her his bitch for life. As if trolls didn't have enough cud to chew on. 

The first hour involves Cullens recruiting Vampires and forming a private army to fight the Volturis. A freak show soon ensues, with weirdos from different corners of the world reaching out to offer their services. Any one who can tell their good movies apart from the bad ones is very much likely to roll his eyes dry. Right from the clunky dialogues to equally creative acting, most part of the movie is pure torture. But, wait, it's not all that bad. The whole part leading up to the final, climactic battle may be painfully boring, but what follows is deliciously fun. I am surprised how much enjoyable the whole sequence was. Michael Sheen's goofiness definitely added to the experience. And to top all that with a twist which I so did not see coming.. well played! 

I cannot promise you a good time, but Breaking Dawn is definitely an adaptation which will satisfy the fans. Avoid it if you can, but if the girlfriend is too persistent, just go. Sit through the first half; trust me it surely gets better. It is only a matter of time before Hollywood, tweenage girls and a few boys with weird taste in movies find themselves another franchise to collectively orgasm over. I am just thankful the series is over.